I have made my desire to remarry, very clear over the past three years. My husband died five years ago. I waited, thought on whether I wanted marriage again, the good, the bad and the ugly,
then I decided that there was a possibility that I can be happy with a man again.
My “single” journey has been like a coastal sea shore, some days the water is calm, some days the waves are high, and crashes on the shore line, fast and furious. Some days the tide is so low that the water barely makes it to the shoreline and when it does it makes no impact.
I am always, at whatever point that am at, whatever my current situation, looking at where God is in the midst of it. He is always there, but sometimes His role changes. He is my Father, so there are times, as much as I want something/someone, He, knowing the end results, will say no. At times, He is my teacher, knowing that I desire something/someone, He leaves me temporarily, to my own devices, all the while, giving me clues and little tests, to see if I will get the answers. Thank God because of the maturing relationship I have with Him, and because of the big, big, mistakes that He has saved me from, like marrying a narcissist, I always look for the signs that He illuminates. No matter how much I want it to be okay, I tell Him, if it’s not it, take it away.
Like anyone who have had to give up something that they really wanted, something that they were looking forward to, there is disappointment, even some tears sometimes. In spite of it all, this much I have learnt on this journey, it’s my life, but God’s plans, unlike me; God knows the end of my story ever since my life began. I have to trust Him.