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My life over the years has been very eventful. My husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer when I was forty seven years old and died just after I turned fifty.

Some people may say, that am not so young, fifty is not a bad age to lose a spouse, compared to being in the twenties, thirties, but I beg to differ.

Age has nothing to do with the life that you desire, the life that you strive best in. I love being part of a union that satisfies me spiritually, emotionally and physically. I have met women who were widowed in their early thirties and were contented to live a single life, one I know of, she never had another relationship in her life time. My grandmother was forty-two and she raise all nine children on her own, there was never another man.

That’s not me.

God made all of us unique, that’s what makes us individuals. As I sometimes tell Him, He knows what I want, what I love, because He made me; me.

Don’t worry, am getting to the subject at hand…

Because I am who I am, I desire to be in a relationship, and I have made it clear over the past three years, I even joined some dating sites in pursuit of it. I have met men that “fell in love” with me quickly, I don’t know, a tall, beautiful, straightforward woman, seems to be an attraction to many men or maybe they view me as a challenge, but they speak of love and wanting a life with me.

When it gets to my terms and conditions, one by one the narrative changes, some hang around a bit longer, hoping that, I, a lonely woman will come around and see it their way, that I would give into their offer to let them help me sexually. When they don’t succeed, the endearments and declaration of love grows less and less. Where was that great love that they felt for me? Gone.

It’s in these times that God’s love for me is magnified. I am reminded and I’m forever grateful that His love is unconditional. As a matter of fact, sometimes I fail Him and don’t deserve it, but His love for me never changes. It is steadfast, unconditional, and pure, with no other intentions but to love me. I find myself so many times, after having blocked and delete another so called “admirer”, being grateful to God for His steadfast, unmovable love, and I have come to the conclusion, time and time again, that there is no greater love, than, my Father God’s love.

By Lorraine Anthony-Bynoe

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